Wednesday, June 26, 2013

What Men Do NOT Find Attractive!

There is no point recreating the wheel, when Beth Moore nails it on the head in her book,“So Long Insecurity”, where she confronts her own insecurities as a woman and reveals results from an extensive survey of men. In that process she stumbled across the same thing I have found in my own search, the “one thing” that men do NOT find attractive.

Great guy's point of view
Beth says, “Men are not our problem; it’s what we are trying to get from them that messes us up.  Nothing is more baffling than our attempt to derive our womanhood from our men.

We use guys like mirrors to see if we’re valuable.  Beautiful. Desirable. Worthy of notice.  Viable.  We try to read their expressions and moods in order to determine whether it’s time to act smart and hard to get or play dumb and needy.  Worse yet, we try to tap into their inner equestrian by acting like the damsel in distress.  When XX meets XY and tries to pry that X away from him so she can have an extra one, she is attempting to mutate both of them.
I say this with respect and great compassion: we’re attempting to get our security from a gender that doesn’t really have much to spare.  Our culture is just as merciless on men as it is on women.  Their insecurities take different shapes, but make no mistake: they’ve got them.  You know it.  I know it.
Let’s face it.  Men want us to get a grip anyway.  They don’t like the pressure of being in charge of our sense of value.  It’s too much for them.  The candid ones gladly admit it, and for these who don’t, you’ll know it by the flapping of their shirts in the wind as they run for their lives.
A man is infinitely more attracted to a secure woman than to an emotional wreck who insists he could complete her.  As my friend Christy Nockels says, ‘Men are not drawn to hysterical, needy women.’
. . . After months of research, I’m convinced that men are indeed more intrigued by a confident woman who carries herself well and knows who she is than a picture-perfect beauty who seems little more than that.  Some men might be tempted to take the latter to bed, but when all is said and done, they would more likely take the former to heart.  When the average guy sees the woman in his life hold her own in the face of intimidation, he is impressed.  At the end of the day, both men and women want to be with someone they can respect.”

Thanks, Beth!  I’m also a married woman who's favorite ministry is pouring into younger women the hard lessons learned from having ‘looked for love in all the wrong places’. The most powerful thing I teach in the “Big Reveal” material I use with teen girls is that one lone truth. They sit on the edge of their seats when I unveil the answers to a survey of 200 local teen guys. “What is THE most attractive thing about a woman?”… the over riding response was…’CONFIDENCE’.

That alone immediately levels the playing field for all women and puts each of us in the right place, at the foot of the cross looking for our TRUE identity and source of confidence. By the way, as a marriage ministry, we find ourselves addressing singles and youths equally often with the core message – be WHOLE. Married or single. Young or old. Male or female. Park your self in Father’s lap until He settles in your heart your real value. THEN, you’ll have that confidence that is attractive to the rest of the world. Because they are starving for the same.