Monday, October 1, 2012

What Do Men Really Think About Cleavage?

Q: "What do you wish you had the freedom to tell a woman who is immodestly dressed?"  
(Adult Male Answers)
      These are real life answers pulled from 100 questionnaires given to the adult men from our high school; the fathers, teachers, neighbors, and pastors in your world:

·         I wish they would be receptive to hear, but they are not.
·         Ask them if they realize how they dress also reflects maybe opposite of what they intended to convey.
·         That guys just think you want to get it on.
·         “Don’t give sex to get love.”  “Have better self-esteem.”
·         “When I see you dressed like that, I don’t just imagine taking a romantic walk along the beach.  I do think about the physical act of sex with your body—only for the purpose of my personal sexual gratification.”
·         “What are you trying to attract?”
·         “You are sending a message that is not pleasant.”
·         “Whom are you trying to please or impress?   Are you willing to pay the price for immodest dress?”
·         “Men are very visually stimulated.  That image sticks with us.”
·         “You have no idea how ‘loudly’ you are sending the wrong messages to the guys—including the most godly guys!”
·         How they affect others.
·         Address if they are aware of how this affects males and question if they are trying to do this.
·         How it does not achieve what she intends.
·         “Men are not looking for a long-term relationship with you, only short-term fun.”
·         It sends the wrong message.
·         That the people she is attracting are not the kind she really may want or need.
·         “You’re casting the wrong image of yourself.”
·         What message they are sending to men & what it says about their self-esteem.
·         Tell them how they impact men.  Understand—will not get what they really want.
·         Tell them what guys are thinking.
·         Love yourself more.  Did your dad fail you?
·         That their immodesty affects men of any age.
·         “Don’t sell your body—God gave it to you.  Save it for the husband God has for you.”
·         That they are headed for trouble.  That God loves them.
·         “Do you know what you are communicating via what you’re wearing?”
·         “If you are looking for attention, you will attract a poorer quality of friends.  They are drawn by dress, not by who you are.”
·         I think about how perverse our society is.
·         “You are asking for something you may not want.”
·         She is making herself look loose and immoral.
·         “You are hurting both yourself and others around you, but mostly you are hurting yourself.”
·         “You are attractive without having to show too much.”
·         That it makes them look like they are promiscuous.
·         That they look ridiculous.
·         “The attention you get is only temporary and not lasting.  Love looks deeper to the real person.”
·         Simply, it can lead to no good.
·         It makes me very sad to see a woman who is dressed immodestly.  She may be insecure or afraid, but she will definitely be attracting the wrong type of man.  I see a rocky and unhappy future for her and this saddens my heart.
·         That her appearance devalues her social status.
·         “What are you trying to say to others with your dress?”  “Do you know what you’re saying?”
·         “I don’t want to look at your chest falling out of your shirt.  (Low-cut shirt with push up bra.)”
·         They attract the wrong types.  Do not confuse attention from these types with long-term happiness.
·         “You want to be looked at yet you yell at people who look!”

When we look in the mirror in the morning, let's ask ourselves the hard questions. Who am I dressing for?  What am I saying with my choices?  Am I inviting respect?  Am I showing respect for the needs of my 'brothers' around me?

Am I looking for the answers to my inner questions?  Am I pretty, attractive, desirable... am I ENOUGH?
Only God can answer these questions in the depths of our heart and re-frame our identity as his beautiful daughters - created in his image to bring him joy just for being ourselves.

This may be news to some of my sisters reading this...
NO human man is going to be able to fill the gaping hole in the depth of our being. Our value is not based on how many men find us desirable physically. So why give away the 'goods' looking for temporary, false band-aids of attention and validation that will leave us feeling more used and less valuable?